How to Use Systems Thinking to Actually Get the Life You Want

I thought it would be fitting to give you the first concept I ever learned as a therapist as the first blog post to Connections Rising.  That concept is this:  Systems Thinking. 

THINKING SYSTEMICALLY MEANS TO SEE EVERYTHING AS INTERCONNECTED.  All things relate to one another and have an effect on one another.   

When this applies to people like you and me, it means that you are not just affected by the emotions in your own body and thoughts in your own mind.  You are also affected by your family, your friends, the school you went to, the town you grew up in, the culture of which you are a part, the beliefs that the people around you hold, the country you live in, the political climate around you—virtually everything around you has shaped you into the person you are today.  All of those factors influence what you believe and how you think, feel, and act.  Emotions do not exist in a vacuum and neither to you. 

I believe that it is SO important to understand the importance of systems thinking. If you have been going through something rough, and you feel like you just keep hitting the same brick wall over and over again, you can use systems thinking to help you. You can get curious about the bigger picture and how all those factors might be influencing you--then you can identify HOW YOU CAN CHANGE IT! 

You can begin to search for other alternative groups of people (or systems) of information that can help you to shift the way you think, act, feel, believe, and behave to match the life you ACTUALLY WANT TO CREATE. 

Sometimes just understanding where you come from is part of what may help you to change.  Systems thinking gives us the tools to gain the insight we need to create the changes we want. 

For example: I grew up in a small beach town along the coast of Maine.  There’s a lot of wealth in the town where I grew up, and it attracts a significant number of tourists that like to visit during the summer months.  Many of the local businesses are dependent on the summer tourism to do well. 

My experience attending high school in my home town was that kids were highly competitive.  Most kids wanted to be the smartest, best at sports, and wear all of the best brand name clothing.  Having a nice home, expensive car, nice things to wear, a high power job, or having beautiful possessions carried a certain social status that was desired by many of the people where I grew up.  Many of the people where I live are truly wonderful, kind, and generous people. It has been my experience, however, that many have felt a certain pressure to keep up these images to gain social acceptance.  Like me, most of them really just want to be liked and appreciated for who they are on the inside.  None the less, my perception of that culture really affected me. 

In addition to the town where I grew up, I also lived in a household that valued hard work, striving to be the best at whatever you do, and persevering even when things get hard.  My household also valued emotions, mental health, empathy for others, and valuing people from ALL walks of life.

In some ways these systems affected me for the better, and in some ways, I have had to learn how to change part of what I believe as a result of being part of these systems.  I personally love the parts of me that value people from all walks of life, and I love that I have a good work ethic. I also love that I strive to be my personal best at everything I do. I even have a bit of a taste for the finer things in life, like many of us do! 

In other ways, the systems I grew up in had a tendency to instill values that were not so helpful. I used to drive myself to work to the point of being perfectionistic.  I was waaaaay too hard on myself. I would become exhausted and sometimes become sick from how hard I used to work.  Recognizing the systems of which I was a part, helped me to make changes so that I could live a more balanced life.  So now I value time off SO MUCH MORE!  I also learned that I am liked by others because of WHO I AM, not for what I have.    

I found people who see the value in taking time for yourself, truly enjoying life, and appreciating the character of one's soul.  Life for me is no longer "all work and no play."  Instead it's, "find a way to bring the joy into everything as much as possible, and be yourself while doing it!"  Thinking systemically helped me to do that, and I want it to do the same for you.  

SOOO, I would love to see you begin to apply systems thinking to your own life.  So what are you waiting for? Go get a pencil and some paper, your favorite journal, or a computer and begin to ask yourself these questions!

What kinds of systems are around you?  Where did you grow up?  What town or city are you from? Where did you go to school? What kinds of things did your friends value?  What kinds of things does your family value? What kinds of beliefs do the people around you have?  Do you share those beliefs or are they different?  How do you think growing up where you did influenced who you are?  How do you think the people around you influenced who you are? Did you decide to follow in the footsteps of the systems around you or did you decide to go against them, and why?  

Really sink your teeth into these questions! It just may give you insight you have never noticed before. Try to start questioning where some of your beliefs, attitudes, and ways of being come from.  Then consider if these systems have helped you or hurt you.  If they have helped you, great!  Keep it up!  If parts of that system influenced you in ways that are not so helpful, it's up to you to decide if you want to change how you interact with the system! 

I hope you have fun learning about all the amazing parts of you! Until next time!

Shelby