Making Difficult Decisions with the Sound of SILENCE

Some of the most difficult decisions that I have had to make plagued me for YEARS.  I remained lost and stuck in the space of “not knowing” for SO LONG on some of the tougher choices in my life. 

I had my first son Max when I was 28 and before he came along I was SO abundantly clear that he was exactly what was supposed to come next in my life.  I knew without a doubt that I was ready to meet him, that I wanted to be a Mom, and I was so excited for him to come into my life.  Deciding to have a second a baby, however, was so much harder. I remained confused and lost with that difficult decision for 8 ½ YEARS! I was pretty sure I wanted a second child, but I was overwhelmed with thoughts in my mind.  Could I handle the time commitment, did we have the money, the energy? If we chose not to have another child, would I regret it forever? Round and round again, all the thoughts raced in my mind, my husband and I just couldn’t make a decision.

I also struggled with what to do after I finally opened my private practice.  In my mind at the time, that was the top!  I have always been a person to love a good challenge.  So, when I finally achieved that goal, I didn’t know what to do with myself.  Suddenly, I had no mountain to climb. I felt really lost and stuck with this decision too. No amount of pro con lists helped me to figure out what was next for me.  I knew I loved counseling [and I still do]. So what was I supposed to do if I still wanted to be a therapist, but I still needed something “more”?

I hated being in those lost stuck places of “not knowing”.  I don’t do so well without a clear path forward. I have always been someone who has wanted clear answers to EVERYTHING, like, yesterday. 

I talked to my family, I read everything I could find on the internet, I bought books, I talked to friends—a bunch of my friends are therapists too! I talked to my husband OVER AND OVER again, I did everything I could think of to come up with a decision to these things. 

Well, you know what did finally help me with these two completely overwhelming decisions?

I learned to sit in SILENCE.  A good friend had urged me to do this again and again, for years. I finally took her advice.  It was one of the best things I have ever learned to do when I have been stuck in the space of “not knowing”.

I know this might sound a little too woo woo for some, but I really do believe that the universe is listening and speaking to us all the time.  The answers come in silence. I learned to get comfortable with not knowing for once. 

I am not saying it was easy. It was down right hard at times for me to just let go of the need to know.

Instead, I leaned into what made me feel good.  I did things that made me happy.  I just tried my best to enjoy my life as much as I could.

I asked the universe to present the answers to me and bring the clarity to me.  I let go of NEEDING  to know. 

That is when the answers finally came for me.  The answer to have our second little guy Bennett, came so unexpectedly, and yet, at exactly the perfect time.  Connections Rising shot out at me like a lightening bolt, inspired simply by listening to a podcast that I had found and was thoroughly enjoying.  I was not expecting to find this inspiration, but there it was. 

If you are struggling with a tough decision, I urge you to get comfortable with the uncomfortable.  Get comfortable with the silence.  Start sitting and waiting, and feeling into what your body and intuition are telling you.

So much of the time we are so busy.  We ask for advice from people.  We talk about that tough decision with our friends, our family, our co-workers.  The problem is, that the answer is not outside of you.  It is INSIDE of you. You need to get quiet enough to listen.  The answer will get clear when you are in a space of peace.  You can’t find answers when you are in a space of anxiety and STRESS. 

Spend time doing things you love. Get back to those old hobbies that bring you joy, or find new ones.  Go outside.  Sit with people that make you feel good.  When your mind and body are happy and content…when you have been giving yourself what you need, that is when the answers will come.  Just try not to force it, even though it is hard.  Be okay with not knowing. Move yourself towards a space of peace, happiness, and quiet. The answers will reveal themselves…. when you least expect it.